This blog is for you, Daddio... because I have not completed a book yet... but you are my best friend.
"Your father has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Adenocarcinoma (an aggressive lung cancer) and it has metastasized into his heart sac." Those were the words (roughly) read through a text from my mother. I had taken a quick break from stocking beer in the Kirkland Trader Joe's. My hands were cold and could barely get my phone to work. I finally opened the text and for a split second, I thought I had read it wrong.
My heart... well, it was in shock. There are still probably parts of it that are trying to catch up to the defibrillation of it all. But that news surged a response in my whole being and it was the day when grieving and hope awoke to its bloom. And I would say, this type of species of flower is not what I would have chosen to be planted in the garden of my soul.
I have walked with Jesus through a certain "grieving" for quite some time as my parents are getting older. I think that just happens to us kids (no matter how old you are) when we notice the wear and tear on our parents. Moments are precious...time is tender... and you tend to learn the art of lingering just a bit more. You lean in to ask more questions and you sip cups of coffee a bit slower...or maybe you just have a few more cups to make the time last.
But this type of reality causes a linger that part of me wants to wish away and the other part of me is thankful. You realize that there is a cancer that is not welcome. Who would ever want a loved one to experience sickness and pain? But this unseen enemy has caused a response of deeper love, greater compassion, and an understanding heart to grow. What we would consider a weed is also allowed to grow next to what we would consider fruit-- love, joy, peace, patience, etc... Ears have been opened and eyes are seeing deeper. Without this foreign enemy, my family would not have gotten here. I would not have gotten here and I have been needing help for quite some time. I have asked for it from Jesus.
All I can tell you at this point is this: The garden of my soul is taking on many new seeds. I am learning a lot about hope, grieving, the God of Resurrection and Life, the generosity of Jesus through His people, and time. I am so thankful for all of this in my life. So this is the next part of the journey, everyone. God is faithful and true and no matter what, He will remain.
By Grace,
Cortney Rae
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