Dedicated to The Jones', your wilderness is not in vain.
The Dark Night of The Soul
I remember about a year after I met Jesus, I went through what the Desert Fathers call "The Dark Night Of The Soul". Some call it "The Wall" and others just know that they have been brought to a place where everything in them is dying. Everything in me was incredibly uncomfortable to take any more steps with Jesus and remain the same. I had followed Him up to this point and He had led me there... in the wilderness... where I would have nothing to hold onto the old patterns of thought and belief. All the demons of my old life would come face-to-face with Jesus and the dark night would last for about a year. I entered this season through a Daniel fast. I had never fasted before and honestly did not know how. However, I believed God and trusted that He could do something. I did not know that this would be a doorway into God unlocking His goodness into my life through the deep recognition of my besetting sins. I would be brought into confession of a false identity and His kindness would lead me to repentance. This would be the place where I experienced living water and a refreshment my soul had never known. I would be set free from the layers of false thinking that I had been groomed to believe for over a decade.
The Garden of Our Soul
A longing begins to take place in the heart of the nomad in the wilderness. One begins to ask, "where is the food and nourishment to satisfy and quench my soul?" The response of a good God is to be ever so near in the dark, all the while allowing space for a hunger and a thirst to grow. Like the psalmist, we call out in our distress to Him, "Where are You, O God?!"
Our broken Eden-being cries out for something to satisfy. In the the dark night of the soul, we believe no one is there to soothe, but the demons who promise to give more if we would only bow a knee. However, you have bowed for too long and that is what has kept you shackled. God has brought you here to settle the noise of voices so that you hear what is truly keeping you captive. If light can be shown on your captor, they no longer have the power to work in the dark.
The Wilderness of Light
During my "dark night of the soul", this was one of the darkest periods in my life. A different type of darkness. A shadow that had been casted over me by the wing of the Almighty God. As I said, over 10 years worth of grooming had culminated to a false identity that no one would know about me. I had been silenced and only those who were part of the devil's schemes are privy to all that took place. My abuse was very dark, demonic, and spiritually paralyzing. It did not happen all at once, but over the years. I will give no attention and glory to what the power of darkness can do therefore I will not speak of names and experiences. Yes, I can claim that it is real. However, I was rescued from the dominion of darkness and evil. Jesus transferred me from the "kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of His marvelous light" (Col 1:13). That is who receives all glory and honor--Jesus, the Son of God! Shortly after meeting Him, His shadow overtook my life. Many things needed to die, I needed deliverance because deep healing needed to come into my life.
The shadow of the Almighty does several things. It hides you. It protects you. And yes, it can make life feel very dark. Why? Because the only light that can be and will be illuminated in this place is the light of Jesus Christ. He will not allow any other perverted light to steal His glory. When you come into an experience with the light of Jesus, your heart is illuminated to His truth. What you once thought was the darkest wilderness becomes the place of light because only Jesus shines there.
It Is Dark, But Now I See
All of us reach different places of wilderness for various reasons. None of us truly understand all that goes on in the wilderness because we do not see with our physical eye the war that wages in the spiritual realm. However, our eyes of faith see who God says He is and trusts that He will accomplish what He says He will. "That He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it at the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil 1:6). The season may be dark, but as we surrender more and more, we will see clearly. Something in us will trust God despite what we feel. Even more so, we will begin to look more and more like Jesus as we learn to trust. Faith sees in the dark. There is a whole world out there walking in darkness and they do not need untransformed people telling them what they should do. The world needs transformed children of God walking back into the darkness, meeting Jesus where He is finding those still in chains, and willing to love the literal hell out of them as Jesus works in their life. That is the most effective partnership with God that we can be part of. That is His kingdom.
And so, we continue to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). That even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will not fear evil (Ps 23:1). As we continue on, we know there will be moments that God says to us, "I will fight for you, you need only to be silent" (Ex. 14:14). We take the next step in faith for this is what pleases God.
By Grace,
Cortney Rae