Some of my favorite past times are moments in the hot Texas sun playing baseball with my brother, Matthew. Even though he is roughly 5 years older than me, my competitive little spirit said that I could run faster, jump higher, and hit a ball harder than him. Well, anyone knows that my small frame could not keep up with the frame of a 10, 11, or 12 year old boy. However, my determination and my wild will told me I could. Matthew and I used to spend numerous hours playing outside...mainly, me following him and his pack of friends around. As the West Texas dirt whirled and got into every crevice of our skin, we would throw the baseball, play pick-up football, ride bikes on dirt mounds, and so forth. These activities marked my life and people often times identitfied me as a "tomboy".
A few days ago, I was processing another layer of deep fears and pain with some very dear friends. As I began to unravel the depths of my soul and the all-too-familiar feelings of not being enough, I began to talk about a past time that is probably the most dear to my heart. After hot days in the sun and playing in the dirt, I would often times leave a ring in the bathtub. A ring that said, "you played hard... you had fun... and other than your brother, you beat every boy in the neighborhood". As I walked out of the bathroom, with wet hair and no film on my body that spoke of the day, I would go straight into the living room and make eye contact with my dad. He knew what was coming and would wait for the question, "Dad, will you brush my hair?" And we would sit there for at least 20-30 minutes while my hair dried through the brush. Just me and him and as the youngest in my family, these were the moments that made me feel most loved. Quality time with the man that I knew loved me for me. It was in these moments that if the outside world knew, they would say, "That is a very "girly" thing to do."
I give you an example of how people labled me because that is what we do as human beings... we label others so that it can fit somewhere in our brains that makes sense. Those labels can easily make us feel valued and important. On the other hand, it can make us feel misunderstood and even devalued as a human. The tongue has the power of life and death and the things that are spoken over us; whether that be from ourselves or others, has a dramatic effect on how we view our identity.
My identity as a little girl growing up was that I was a tomboy. I had no idea what that meant, but I know I felt shame about it as a little girl. Especially being raised in a more traditional church enviornment; it was a word that was said in a lower voice. For most people, they were probably labeling me out of their own ignorance in not knowing where the word originated from and the meaning of it. However, words hold power over a person whether it is said in igorance or intention. If most people knew where the word tomboy originated from, they would never dream of using that word over their own child. I wouldn't. This is only one example. There are so many other labels that cause deep pain, confusion, strife, and hatred that people are carrying. What is even more grave is that these labels sit in our church seats and we talk about the healing and the freedom of God, yet we are the ones who have played a part into bounding and wounding our fellow brothers and sisters. We cry out to God to bring healing and often times, the deepest healing in a person's life is through the reconciliation between two people. God's greatest work is through repentance and forgiveness.
A while back, my good friend, Jeff Thorp preached a sermon called "Drop Your Stones". It was a prophetic message to the church, and I believe that it was a prophetic message to my own heart. It helped jump start a deep healing in my own soul through areas where I myself need to drop stones. Jesus said, "Let you who is without sin cast the first stone." I love Jesus...and I love who He shows Himself to be to the woman caught in adultery. And like you, all of us have been caught in something. All of us have some sort of sexual past... we all have a kind of past concerning idol worship, lying, selfish ambition and vain conceit (just look at social media). However, very few times do we relate with the ones holding the stones. And Jesus did not just do what was only good for the woman... He did what was good for the Pharisee as well. He spoke truth where the heart of stone needed to be changed.
This blog is not to point out that I have mastered loving a person without stones in my hand, ready to fire away. It is to bring an awareness of the stones that all of us are holding. And why do we hold onto our stones? We hold our stones for our own protection because we know exactly how it feels to be labeled as the drunk, liar, adulturer, homosexual, voiceless, homeless, orphan, fat, too skinny, and all the many other things we think of. We hold our stones becuase it is too big of risk to put them down for fear that others will hurt us. Jesus says in Matthew 5, "Unless your rghteousness exceeds that of the Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of God." He had just finished teaching the Beatitudes at that point, but it is clear that the righteousness that Christ is looking for is a heart that has been transformed and filled with mercy, peace, and purity after being emptied out and poor in spirit. Being a believer is more about being the outcasts of this world than we give it credit for. We have made being Christian too glitzy and glamorous and I have a sneaky suspicion that all though God uses all things to futher His will, He could care less about our perfectionism and materialism that what we deem "good" is actually contrary to anything that the Gospel speaks of.
As the Church continues to move forward, we must move from our seats looking at a stage of performance to looking at one another across a table in a home. If we were to make our gatherings intentional about the remembrance of Jesus' body being broken while we break bread with one another, I think we will come to find that our stones will be left at the threshold of our doors. Instead of looking at one another through the eyes of pride and selfishness, we will look at each other and confess which sin Jesus' body was broken for. We will come to find that our hearts are not so different from one another. Skin color? Yes. Eye color? Maybe. Socioeconomic class? Possibly. I think in the process of repentance and forgiveness with one another, God will take out our stony hearts and give us hearts of flesh that are responsive to His Voice.
And what does His Voice say, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. And love your neighbor as yourself."
And you, my friend, are worth loving without stones.
By Grace,
Cortney Rae