At 21 years of age, I was presented (cough* cough*, casually thrown) into coaching the Varsity Men's Soccer team at the school that I was teaching at. Yes, you read that correctly. I am sure most people that just read that will probably think that the school was insane for letting a 21 year old female coach 18 year old males. Well, crazier things have happened in this world, even though I would agree with you... it was insane!
I look back on that time of my life and out of all the things that I know about leadership now, I probably failed at most of it. We won games, but not on account of any of those young men having a leader. We won games because they had talent, passion, experience with one another, and I know a few key things about the game. I could put all of them in the right position and make small adjustments that affected the outcome. I was strict, objective, prepared, and did not put up with any nonsense. These are not necessarily bad qualities, but I would argue now that these qualities must be softened and surrounded by other qualities that actually give equity when you have to "bring down the hammer". Laughter in relationship is a softening tool that allows you to attack hard conversations with more care.
What I am learning right now in my life is how powerful laughter is. It is one of the most subtle but piercing weapons a leader can have. I don't know about you, but I love being around leaders who laugh! Please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that I love being around leaders who think everything is a joke and they hide behind their humor to masquerade the deep hurts and wounds inside of them. No, insecurity covered up by humor is not attractive. But laughter expressed out of a heart full of joy is contagious.
Proverbs 17:22 says, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Some of my most favorite people to be around are those who have the ability to laugh at themselves. It truly is an art and a sign of maturity that I deeply respect and admire. It is a balance between someone who knows how to hold standards and seeks excellence but someone who also does not take themselves so serious all the time.
For those of you who are in leadership positions, do you take time with your team to laugh with them? Sometimes, when you have heavier seasons with your team and you begin to have situations of tension happening more often than not, I would say that some of the best medicine is to have some time of play and laughter. One of the best questions to ask your team is this, "Do you feel like you can laugh with me and vice versa?" You may be surprised that your team feels walls with you because as the leader, you feel like you have to be serious all the time. As the leader, you have the pressure of having to have answers and solutions and so forth. Yes, there is a time to be serious and hunker down to get things done. But if you keep your head down too long, you will create Ostrich Syndrome (yes, I made that up). Ostrich Syndrome is a person who suffers with keeping their head in the sand. Tunnel vision. Task driven. They forget the relationships around them, most of the time unintentionally, but the effects are still great in how it makes people feel.
Do you know anyone with Ostrich Syndrome? I do... me. I have had a couple of reviews for work in the past year and one of the things that I have heard over and over is that I pay great attention to details, but I am lacking in engaging with relationship. Ouch. However, it has led me to discover what I admire about leadership and laughter is at the top. Why? Because in order to laugh, you have to engage. In order to engage, you have to care. And I personally want to be someone who cares to engage with those around me.
Earlier in this blog, I made the statement concerning my soccer team that, "I could put all of them in the right position and make small adjustments that affected the outcome." Even if you know how to be good at what you are doing... that does not necessarily mean that you are taking people with you in the process. I think all of us need a little more laughter from an overflow of joy in our lives. That comes from a place of who we are in Christ. Putting people in the right spot, at the right time shows a level of wisdom and finesse. However, being a leader filled with joy shows a level of allowing God to fill you up with His presence... and laughter is a byproduct of joy. Jesus had a ton of joy. He laughed. Even though He was on mission to bring the kingdom of God to the earth, He laughed and was filled with joy in the process. People wanted to be around Him. He was contagious.
How do you know if you are a person that others want to be around? You ready for this?....
When they choose to be around you when they do not have to be. I know, as a leader, you may be sitting here going, "Cortney, I've got to have my Sabbath and I have to create boundaries, and I want to respect my team's time, etc, etc, etc."
I understand that. I completely get it. But, considering that this blog is about living in the tension of the both/and (muhahaha), I will leave you with this question:
What is the cost of discipleship to you? How can you create spaces for people to actually have the choice in spending time with you when they do not have to? How are you creating avenues for people to create a bond with you, their leader, in laughter?
You are loved.
By Grace,
Cortney Rae