Chasing the glory of God is not glamorous. Our selfish nature and our culture tells us to chase after everything other than His glory, His Name, and His fame. What is even worse is that our culture has tagged God's Name on a lot of what we do even though it is not breathed by Him. I am guilty of this in my own life. Quite frankly, chasing the glory of God goes against even what our American Church culture has told us to pursue. We have somehow fallen into the lies that our gatherings have to look pretty and produced because it is relevant to culture. Maybe we are afraid that if we do not control an element of our services that our rooms will remain silent...that movement will not happen. If we were honest, maybe we are even more terrified that if we do not preach what people want to hear, that there would only be a few remaining in the seats.
It has taken me quite a while to write the last portion of the series. Words have failed at times. In other moments, I must confess to you that I have written out of frustration with no love in my heart. I have erased the words on numerous occasions out of conviction. I am asking for your forgiveness as I am on this journey of becoming...but somehow forgot. During this series, God has been transforming my heart and has been illuminating places in me that are prideful, arrogant, and where seeds of unrighteous anger have been. Despite it all, He has placed a deep stirring in my soul that has created an enormous pain and tension. A few weeks back, I spoke with my parents about some of the major areas that I struggle with immensely in our Western Christianity. This has been an ongoing conversation between us for the past three years now. Only as a seasoned mother could reply back to a hurting daughter, she said, "Cortney, God is creating burdens in you that are in His heart...unfortunately, Tylenol does not cut through that type of pain."
If you were expecting me to give you some formula for God's glory to be made manifest in your life...I do not have one. As I have looked and studied Scripture, I have found a common theme for people who experienced the glory of God. The encounter changed the trajectory of their life to follow Him despite the cost. When I read about biblical characters such as Moses, Isaiah, John the Baptist, Paul and others, I cannot help but to see a reoccurring theme.
God is the Initiator of every encounter
that a person has with Him.
Every experience began with God. God initiated and pursued to have an experience with all of these humans. He made His glory known to all of them. Each one had a different encounter, but all of them were transformed. They surrendered to His will in their life and they were given purpose by knowing who God really is. Their eyes saw, their ears heard, and their heart was opened to who He is. When God encountered each person, He made His value (His intrinsic worth) known to them. In His value, we find ours. It is His Holy Spirit that illuminates His love, delight, and truth that transforms us to find our value in Him. For anyone who has ever been delighted in, you know that it is easy to live from a place of service out of love.
What I know is that when you forsake all to chase after God's Presence, you will lose much in your life. However, your spiritual gain will far outweigh what you could ever gain on earth. The narrow path that Jesus speaks of is a continual road of surrender and forsaking our own will. The constant pull of wordly things and our selfish nature wage war on the narrow path. The only way to win those battles are to die daily. We must die to our own will...and sometimes, that even means dying to things that are "good", but not God's will.
None of these heroes of the Christian faith were "cool" during their time. They were ridiculed and the outcasts of society. I am not sure what has happened in Christianity in the 21st century, but somehow, we have succeeded at making it look convenient and comfortable as we load our Instagram stories and Facebook pages with the glamorous side of following Jesus. We throw around Scripture and tag lines to receive an "amen" to stroke our well-watered egos. We have gravely mistaken and misinformed people that a relationship with Jesus is going to church and signing up to be part of a community. Spiritual disciplines were never meant to become a checklist to take the place of an authentic, genuine and honest relationship with The Father through Jesus. People are tired. People are hurting. The truth of the matter is, there are many Christians who will tell you that they feel empty. They have tried reading the Bible more. They have tried praying harder. They have gone to their life groups, home groups, fellowship group, and whatever other name we have come up with--and they still feel isolated, alone, and not seen. People have a deep sense in their being that there is more. There are Christians who genuinely love Jesus but nothing is quenching the thirst or satisfying the hunger.
Why? Why do we remain feeling broken and kept in bondage if Christ has come to give life and life abundantly?
Maybe because all of us need a space to be completely vulnerable and honest about our deep brokenness that we have emotionally and spiritually. Brokenness has to be broken in order for beauty and freedom to be birthed. God's glory is made manifest in our lives when we are first and foremost honest with Him and ourselves. If we continue to suppress what is really going on deep in our hearts and continue to play the game of "I've got it all together" or "I can and will do better next time", we will continue to suffer individually and as the body of Christ.
God desires for His glory (His Presence) to shape and change us. He continues to pursue and woo us to Himself. Remember, "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." If you want to see the resurrection power of God in your life, you must be willing like Abraham's son, Isaac, to lay your life down. Paul writes, "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). We, too, can choose to be crucified with Christ so that it is nor you or I who live...but for Christ to live through us. Death brings resurrection. According to the Bible, it is the only way to receive new life.
For me, Christ called me out of my sin to live a life of being loved by Him and to love Him. I left my life of self-righteousness, pride, lust, lying, homosexuality, and every lie that made up my false identity that my abuser told me that I was. I was tormented day and night, but hid in a shell that kept all the dying parts quiet on the outside. Even though much of my abuse accentuated my sins, the truth is, sin had wrapped its cords around me while I was in the womb. I was another carrier of the DNA of my first father and mother, Adam and Eve. At a very young age, I had learned how to hide because I was never given the tools of how to be honest nor did I ever feel safe enough to be. While there are many blessings of being raised in a Christian home and perks of being a pastor's kid...it makes my eyes tear up to think about the enormous pressure and judgement I faced. I cannot speak for my siblings or all the other PK's out there, but I know for me, the eyes of criticism constantly watched me like a hawk. One of my great sins was that I learned how to perform and live for the fear of man very early on.
Church was the furthest place of safety. I had learned that church meant gossip, burn out, over-exhaustion, sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, and dealing with it all in perfection. Even if I was honest about my sins, the "little" and "big" ones (if there is such a thing), it meant that my backside would be burned into a crisp from the words and looks of many. I was not willing to be burned for honesty...not yet. I wanted status and praise for my good works...I loved my pride too much. Even though I did the works in the name of Jesus...the deeper root of sin in my heart was that my motives were to impress others so that I received glory. Only God would know how evil my heart really was...and yet He would lavish His love and grace upon my life. Three years ago, Jesus came to me. After his continual pursuit of my heart, He would initiate an encounter that would alter my life for forever. In the middle of telling the first person all of my sin and all of my abuse, there Jesus would open my spiritual eyes to see His eyes. As I have said countless times, His eyes are the purest water and fire you will ever see. You are completely naked before Him--He knows and sees it all. When you think that a Holy God would be utterly full of rage because of the deep and wicked sinner that you are, somehow, the Bible holds to be true. God is love. Pure love. In that moment, I knew I could no longer run or hide. God had initiated and destined this moment in time for me to come clean. As the confession unfolded, God is true to His Word...He drew near to me. I saw Him for who He really is. I also saw my sin for what it was, yet I saw how He sees me...and that type of love is nothing you will find on earth. You will only see reflections of it carried in His jars of clay known as His people. From that moment, He has been unraveling me from my false self and He has set me on a journey of becoming. He called me to begin this blog, "The Becoming: Living in the tension of the both/and", because He told me, "Cortney, you are becoming. Becoming all that I have made you to be. It is a journey." I believe that it is a journey worth taking. I have died everyday to something...that does not mean that I do all of this with great surrender and abandonment. That means that I live in a tension of sorts and the Spirit of God helps me to bend my knee to His Lordship in my life. I take no credit for the resurrection power that I have experienced in my life.
Where does all of this leave us as we answer the last question, "How does one chase the glory of God?"
Concerning the Word of God, I believe it begins with Him issuing the invitation to know Him for who He really is. He has done this through Jesus Christ. The invitation has gone out for all to come to Him. If you feel a strong tug in your spirit today, that is the Holy Spirit calling you to The Father. I do not want to over-complicate this. I hate using words like "recommit" and so forth. When the Lord calls, you know it. Period. When you surrender...you know it as well. When His Presence comes, you encounter the One who knows all of you and you will know how loved you are. The eyes of your heart will open because He opens them. It literally has nothing to do with what you do or do not do.
Leave your self-righteousness at the door. Sit at the table with all of your mess and simply look in the eyes of the One who loves you despite it all. Let Him love you. Receive salvation today. Receive grace today. Receive truth today. Receive mercy today. Let all of who He is make you stand in awe and hold that treasure in your heart. I pray that a new fire is flamed in your soul today. His bride was bought with a price...that being His own blood. May we stand as a blameless bride before the King when He returns and as He wears the names, "Faithful and True", we will know that He never gave up on us.
May all of who You are, Jesus, receive glory and honor and praise. Open our eyes to see. In the Name of Jesus, I ask You to remove the dark delusion that Satan has put over anyone's eyes reading this. May Your Spirit give light in our hearts!
You are loved.
By Grace,
Cortney Rae